Blog
A New Year
2 January 2022
So a new year....but really just another day. I wish everyone the best, that includes people I don't know and have not yet met. But realistically, no matter what my wishes for you may be, it is what YOU decide to do this year that makes a difference, that is if you are looking for change or a better year. Will you take the same approach to new situations that you find yourself in or will you do something different? Will you make choices with the same decision making skills that you have always made or will you maybe look at things differently? Life will always throw situations at us that seem impossible and unbearable but our perspectives and beliefs will determine how we cope. So therefore, I wish everyone has the strength, determination and hope, to deal with what 2022 brings us all!!!
Time slipping by
28 December 2021
Time seems to be slipping by, and years appear to be over quickly!!! what are we all chasing? Now is the time to be, not before and not after, learning to live in the moment without worry and expectation can lead to a calmer mind.
Speaking of Christmas
18 December 2021
And speaking of Christmas, a time of good will, joy and love to all, etc, but in reality a time when so many are stressed and overwhelmed, with presents, wrapping, parties, and food. A time when some people are full of tension about the presents, wrapping, parties, the food and family and friends. A time when we become something we are not usually, and feel obligated to do things to keep the peace or because its expected of us, or we do the expecting and then become disappointed. And we wonder where the joy is? And the good will? The boundaries and realities of everyday life become distorted and variable at this time of the year, some people become not so pleasant and a bit more aggressive. Why? Because its the most magical time of the year? Or because its what we have always done and its easier to put up with unpleasant or difficult situations because its just this one day, and we don't want to disappoint anyone or upset anyone, even though we ourselves are hurting, resenting and full of anger and pain inside. Change takes a lot of strength and fearing the change is understandable, familiarity no matter how painful is still security. If it gets too much, get some fresh air, some breathing space, put on some music you enjoy and sing as loud as you can and let go. Think about what you want to do, are you ready to do something different this year?
Accepting your own issues
11 November 2021
recognising and accepting your own issues in a relationship is a good start in aiming to make your relationship work, we all bring baggage to a relationship but to put all the blame on one person is unrealistic.
Society we live in
9 October 2021
The society we live in has become so fragmented, and many many family units reflect this fragmentation, parents are tired and unhappy where they work, and its easy to get annoyed and angry at your children, especially when you forget they are children and they are treated as adults. Take a moment before you fall into your usual role and make an effort to stop this cycle of unhappiness.
Old Chinese proverb
17 September 2021
If you think about every step before you take it, you will be left standing on one foot for the rest of your life.
Power of a hug
16 September 2021
Hugs are immensely powerful; research suggests that the lack of touch and physical and verbal contact, early in life can have a negative impact on the brain which can lead to long term negative behavioural effects. The regions of the brain affected deal with processing emotions, cognition, and attention. However, this can be reversed in a loving, supportive environment. Hugs and laughter all the way.......
Talking confidentially
8 August 2021
We all need to talk confidentially at some point in our lives and for some that is very difficult. Whether it is personal values, upbringing, culture, or other people telling you, you should not talk about things, I believe it is empowering having the ability to let go of some of, if not all of the 'should do's' and 'shouldn't do's'. Because that one step to talk, has given you the freedom to express yourself without compromising who you are.
Loving Yourself
31 July 2021
'Loving yourself' is usually seen as a selfish act, but actually when you do love yourself in a genuine, 'L'Oreal' sort of way, (don't know the equivalent ad for men), it can massively affect the impact you have on the people around you. When you truly believe you are 'worthy', you are able to stand up for yourself and defend yourself, you are able to determine what you will put up with and what you will not put up with. Society teaches us fear keeps us save, but does it? We put up with difficult situations because we are in fear of losing our jobs, or in fear that certain people won't 'like' us. If that is the issue, then why are you settling? How many people settle in marriage? in fear they won't find the 'right' person? In life risks need to be taken, whether that means leaving an abusive relationship that is so 'safely' familiar and damaging, because leaving that means stepping into a world of self reliance, or standing up to a work colleague and saying enough! Because most of the time no one else is going to do it for you because they don't love themselves either. So look deep inside and find your original fears and learn to accept that even with them it is still possible to love yourself, nobody is perfect.
Why are we so afraid of anger?
6 June 2021
We are told and taught not to get angry and it almost feels as if we are not entitled to be angry as society frowns on it, when younger our parents or teachers may have given us that disapproving look of 'we are so not impressed with your behaviour!!' So we learn to believe that we should not get angry, as its not a good thing, and today it has become a label, how many people have 'Anger Issues'? Is this even a thing? No its not, we have been told to repress a natural emotion and now it has become an issue because a child chooses to express it? It is better to express the anger in an acceptable way, which does not include, following the driver that you feel 'cut in front of you', or expressing it in a form of violence towards another human being. (Although self defence is another separate issue completely which is not being discussed here). If we bury our anger, which lets face it, is usually a frustration because things didn't work out the way we wanted, or we didn't stand up for ourselves in the moment, or a regret, or a fear, or a feeling of vulnerability or shame, then as I have mentioned before, we just store it within our bodies and somewhere in the back of our minds. And at some point when you least expect it, you will start to feel sensations of anger for what to you feels like no apparent reason, but actually whatever 'stress' you may be feeling will 'feel' similar to the feelings you had when you were angry and your body remembers. To move forward, all these suppressed feelings that you feel you 'dealt' with, will need revisiting with all the emotions you did not want to feel, but embrace them, allow yourself to feel the anger, the hurt, the pain and frustrations. Allow yourself to FEEL, because after all we are human.
Connection to nature
4 May 2021
Many of us live in cities, towns and urban areas, our connection to nature is very essential for our state of mind, walking down a street that is lined with trees always feels somehow better...
Self worth and sense of meaning
13 April 2021
Sometimes the people we deeply love, say or do things that really hurt us, maybe intentionally but mostly unintentionally. Either way it hurt us, sometimes to our core, sometimes like a fracturing of our hearts. The hurt becomes all consuming, and leaves us confused and questioning everything, we begin to question our self worth, and our sense of meaning. Whether our love was true and if it was how could this possibly happen? How will we be able to trust again? Do we still love this person after this hurt? This all comes down to us, the issues are all ours, the expectations we put on this person, sometimes putting them on a pedestal, but also how we value ourselves, by their judgements of us. Which raises the question 'How much do you value yourself?' 'How do you measure your self worth?' Do you need someone to tell you that you are special and worthy of love? Or can you look in the mirror honestly and believe 'I like what I see, maybe even love what I see and I don't need to be told that I am worthy because, I know I am.
Mothers Day
7 March 2021
As we come closer to Mother's Day here in the UK, many of us will have spent time buying the perfect, most appropriate and ideal present for our mothers, while others will be rushing to get it the night before! But this is because society tells us we must celebrate mothers day, although for the British, Mothering Sunday has been confused with Mothers Day something that was started in America. Mothering Sunday was when domestic servants, children and young adults, were given the day off to be with their mothers and other family members, and visit their mother churches. The children would pick flowers to give to their mothers along the way. Mothers Day itself was started by Anna Jarvis, who wanted to honour her mother and all mothers as well as motherhood itself. However, like many things this has now become very commercialised and its original essence somewhat lost. On Sunday many will be celebrating Mothers Day, giving gifts, making breakfast to have in bed, taking their mothers to lunch or dinner, others will be remembering the mothers they had and cherishing the times gone by and maybe laying flowers on a grave, and there will be others who will wonder what the point is as their mother was never the stereotypical loving mother society has always depicted. A woman who biologically is the mother but has been anything but a mother. What I guess I am trying to say is we will all be viewing this day from different perspectives, as long as we honour our truth about what this day truly means to each of us, rather than doing what is expected, maybe this day can be something that should not be just one day but something that we can realise everyday, honour and cherish everyday for those who still have their mothers, honour and cherish the mothers who are no longer with us and honour and cherish the women we are and the mothers we may or may not become one day, whether our own mothers were mothers or just the person that gave birth to us.
Acceptance
2 February 2021
Learning to love yourself is not as easy as it sounds. In order to love yourself you have to 'accept' yourself, and this means accepting all the things that you see as flaws or weaknesses, as well as your strengths and what you like about yourself . Acceptance means examining the reasons you feel guilt, or shame or fear. Are you confident enough to bare these emotions? Or do you hide them with a blanket anger? These emotions highlight your vulnerabilities, but most people are not comfortable with others seeing their vulnerable side. So in some ways we all pretend to be some version of ourselves. If we realise that we are not perfect, the best at everything, always right, the prettiest, the fittest, the strongest, the most clever, the most popular, etc. We learn to feel acceptance for ourselves, and love. Feeling love and compassion for ourselves allows us to see and feel compassion for others.
Being human
25 January 2021
Being human....what is being human, being able to allow yourself to feel all the emotions we have at hand? The ability to show unconditional love to people we do not know? The ability to accept other humans for who and what they are? The ability to hurt and condone ourselves for not being good enough? The ability to take our worst emotions out on the people that we love? Being human is not just the best we can be its also the worst that we can be. But we all strive for the feelings that make us feel 'good'. Recognising the 'worst' in ourselves and understanding the reasons behind them gives us the opportunity to lesson and stop the pain that we may cause our loved ones and our fellow human beings, allowing us to feel more of the emotions that make us feel uplifted and 'good'.